How To Make Your Kid Listen (WITHOUT RAISING YOUR VOICE OR REPEATING YOURSELF)| conscious parenting

How To Make Your Kid Listen (WITHOUT RAISING YOUR VOICE OR REPEATING YOURSELF) | conscious parenting

Like me, are you tired of repeating yourself to your children? Do you hate that you have to raise your voice or shout and yell to get their attention?

Then stop repeating yourself and try the One Chance Only System, a conscious parenting tip to make your kid listen without raising your voice or repeating yourself.

If you’re struggling to push away worries about birth that randomly pop into your head (scroll down for pregnancy application)... OR if you’re struggling to get your kid to listen — this one tip is gonna get you 100% more productive focus and results for you and your kids.

 Watch my new video here!

About a year ago, my parents were watching me attempt to catch my daughter’s attention. Bibi wanted to go to the park, and I needed her to put on her shoes. I’d TOLD her to put on her shoes at least half a dozen times, but there she was, racing around in stockinged feet, while my frustration simmered.

“Come, darling, put on your shoes,” I said lovingly, except that it may have sounded more like, “PUT ON YOUR EVER-LOVING SHOES ALREADY!” and it may have been… shouted.

“You’re doing it wrong,” they said.

My mum’s a psychotherapist and my dad’s become a friend beyond just a dad over the years, so my ears pricked up. “This better be good...”

They went on to explain that by giving Bibi so many chances to listen, to process and action the information, the repetition was just becoming background noise, annoying to me and ignored by her…

I was only making my life more difficult, and thus, the One Chance System was born.

From that moment on (fine, perhaps with a few slip-ups now and then), I would give an instruction once.

I get down to her level so she already knows I’ve got something to tell her. I

lock eye contact and even gently hold her chin if something else is distracting her.

I tell her, “I’m only going to say this one time, so focus.”

I made sure that she was ready to listen, and then I would tell her just once what she needed to do — put on her shoes so that we could go to the park, play her turn in the game, tidy her toys before story time, or whatever it was.

If Bibi didn’t do what she was asked to do, the park trip couldn’t happen. The game ended. The reward was lost.

One chance. One time.

No repeating myself endlessly.

No making myself crazy.

And, on top of that, I began teaching my daughter about the importance of listening and following through. Plus it’s in line with one of my own favourite mantras:

“ONE life baby, ONE chance, SEIZE IT!”.

The trick here is to work with what you have. A small child can’t focus intently for more than about a minute — so you need to keep your instructions simple and precise.

If you try to give your four year old a complete list for organising his room, you will be disappointed. If your instruction is, “Put all the legos in this box,” you have a much higher chance of success.

My husband Joe is a teacher who has spent years working with children. He knows firsthand that getting a classroom full of boys to pay attention can feel like herding cats.

But over the years, he’s done an enormous amount of research and learned a lot about how to be patient with children — and how to set appropriate expectations.

When we hears parents and educators handing out ADHD-like diagnoses like Christmas cards, he’s quick to point out that preschool children simply shouldn’t be expected to focus intently on a single task for more than a few minutes at a time.

When Joe visited China on a specialist teacher exchange programme, he saw that classes there lasted ONLY 30 MINUTES — which allowed students to focus on the material being taught. They have amazing school results and this less-time-more-quality-focus plays a big part in that.

Stop setting yourself up for frustration by expecting your child to stay in the zone for an extended period of time. Work on slowly building that focus muscle — aim for 30-60 SECONDS at first, and consider anything beyond that a bonus.


How can you apply this to yourself and pregnancy worries popping up uninvited into your head?

Use the same 30 second rule to manage your stress and fear so that it DOESN’T turn into a never-ending cycle of doom.

When you feel that stress or fear hit you hard, do this:

  1. Take 5 seconds to feel the fear/stress and identify the thought or thing that is causing it.

  2. Take 5 seconds to find the mantra or micro-meditation or affirmation that you need.

  3. Take 20 seconds to repeat your mantra with 100% of your focus.

Here’s what this might look like in real life. You’re at the grocery store when a wave of panic hits you.

  1. Feel and identify the fear. Admit that you’re afraid of going into labour in a public place and losing control. Deep breath in and out as you “call that fear out”, as if it were a naughty child throwing a tantrum in the sweets aisle.

  2. Find your mantra. “I have everything I need inside to birth LIKE A BOSS A-NY-WHERE... in a field, at the back of a taxi and YES in this darn supermarket too, because my HEADSPACE is my WHERE, no the bricks and mortar around me.”

  3. Repeat your mantra out loud for 20 seconds with 100% focus on your hypnobirthing training.

30 seconds, 100% focus. Feel the results in yourself.

When do you find yourself most frustrated, and what do you want to learn about patience and mindfulness? Come join in the discussion and find more resources in my Mindful Mamas Raising Tigers Facebook group,


Fear Of The Unknown. (Child Death Anxiety and How To Handle Tough Conversations With Kids - And Ourselves!)

Fear of the unknown. (How to handle tough conversations with kids - and ourselves!)


Child death anxiety can happen when your pet dies. How to talk about death with a child? These mindfulness and gentle parenting tips will help.

If your child is anxious about death and their own death since their pet or a loved one died (child death anxiety), they need your support to teach them the emotional intelligence, strength and resilience they need to overcome their negative emotions.

“Mommy, Sunny is sleeping on the floor.”

The instant I heard my 4-year-old whispering in my ear as I roused in bed, I knew it was going to be a long, difficult day.

Sunny, you see, is one of the two budgies we gave Bibi for her birthday, and, well, birds don’t sleep on the floor.


Apparently, ready or not, I was going to have a conversation about death. With my four year old. And my husband was out of town at a conference.


In just a moment, I’ll tell you how I handled the entire episode (spoiler: poorly, at first, and then better afterwards), but before we get into that, let’s take a moment to talk about fear and anxiety, because I am all about the cheery, light hearted topics today!


Many of the women I meet are nervous about labour and birth — which is totally normal. If you’ve never experienced labour, you don’t know what to expect, and that’s scary.

Fear comes from something, and if you’re feeling anxious about your birth, it’s worth taking the time to explore what’s causing those feelings. In Birth Like a Boss, you’ll find the tools and techniques you need to get to the root of that fear and move past it so that you can have a beautiful, meaningful birth.


If your fear of labour feels extreme — for example, if you’re considering scheduling a C-section to avoid going through labour and childbirth — that fear could be an inherited phobia. In other words, it’s entirely possible that a woman somewhere in your family history went through a traumatic experience, and you carry the memories of that. If that sounds like you, consider personalised mindset coaching.

Just as your own fear and anxiety can come from the way you were parented — or even inherited from your family and carried within you — you can also pass on fear and insecurity to your children. If you feel frustrated, insecure or anxious about any part of being a parent, be reassured that there is so much you can do to make change from within so you can be more relaxed and enjoy your parenthood more.

And all of those thoughts were racing through my mind when Bibi came in to tell me about poor, “sleeping” Sunny.

My first instinct was to delay the inevitable. “Let Sunny sleep,” I told Bibi, and proceeded to give her extra cartoons, all the Coco Pops she wanted, and anything else that might distract her while I frantically texted my husband.

When I’d pulled myself together, I sat down with Bibi and told her, gently, that Sunny wasn’t actually sleeping. In our family, we talk about energy — the mind and body are connected, and without the energy of the mind, the body cannot function — so I told her that “Sunny’s body just doesn’t work anymore”, and her energy, her soul had left.

Your family may be religious, spiritual, agnostic, or something else, and your explanation can be in keeping with your beliefs and values. It’s less about the words and more about being consistent in your message. They’ll ask again and again because they want confirmation, to be sure and it’s a normal part of their learning. So keep the facts simple and use the same turn of phrases and explanations.

Be consistent between each conversation you have and like perfect partners in crime, you and your partner have to stick to the same story too - or if you have different stories, just be upfront and matter-of-fact about that too.

“She’ll never chirp again? She’ll never sit on my hand again?” Bibi asked — and then the two of us crumpled to the floor and cried together. We let ourselves feel that sadness and didn’t try to rush through it.

Bibi spent the entire day holding her dead bird, and honestly, I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. After several hours, I finally convinced her that we needed to bury Sunny’s body in the earth.

We held a funeral and had a chance to talk about the reasons we loved Sunny and how she made us happy.

And then, inevitably the real bombshell landed…

Bibi asked me if she was going to die.

One of the things you need to know about parenting is that sometimes, your kids will ask you questions and you won’t know the answers.

Get okay with saying, “I don’t know. Let’s think about that.” Get okay with taking the time to consider your answer carefully, to ask people for help, and to ensure that you and your partner are consistent in your message.

I told Bibi that everyone dies. I weave into our mundane conversations little teachings about the impermanence of things, of time, of form. I also told her how energy passes through all things, can be transmitted and can change form. People (and birds 🐦) we love might not be physically present, but a piece of them remains in our heart.

Something compelled me to watch the Land Before Time with Bibi and a box of chocolates that evening. Then I knew why… I burst into tears and just hugged my baby during the bitter-sweet scene where the little dinosaur’s mother dies and says to her son Little Foot, “Some things you see with your eyes, other’s you see with your heart”.

Impermanence is what makes all things, moments, people precious .

When we forget to live in the moment, we forget to cherish what matters most in life.

This is why we practice mindfulness together. You’re not alone mama. Yes, motherhood is hard, it’s beautiful and bittersweet but we won’t miss a thing. We are Mindful Mamas Raising Tigers.

Mama, what’s the hardest conversation you’ve had with your child? How did it go? Let’s dig into this and help each other.



The BEST Conscious Parenting Bedtime Routine I learned from Netflix...

The BEST Conscious Parenting Bedtime Routine I learned from Netflix...

Learn this easy & effective parenting tip for mindfulness. Learn how to teach EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE for children with the High-Low Routine to instantly up your conscious parenting skills!

Short on time? Watch the video instead:

One of the greatest things about Netflix is that it gives us a chance to watch terrible television shows that were cancelled after a single season for a very good reason

Recently, I found myself watching one such show, The Crossing (Don’t. Really. Just don’t.). I’m not really sure what compelled me to stick with it — I’m thinking that the remote control was just a little too far away for me to reach — but the show redeemed itself with a tiny, throwaway scene where a father put his son to bed...

“What was your high today?” the father asked his son, and the two of them talked about their highs from the day.

“What was your low?” the father asked after that, and again, the two of them talked through those moments.

Brilliant.

I must have been on my period or something but I this scene totally choked me up! I implemented this in Bibi’s routine the very next night, and it has been nothing short of amazing.

Every evening now, we do our “High-Low” routine. I hear things from her that I never would have known. For example, the other night, Bibi told me that her low was when I made a casual comment that hurt her feelings.

When it had happened, Bibi hadn’t responded. Truthfully, I didn’t even remember the comment at first and had to think about it. But here it was, laid out for me at bedtime, and we were able to talk through how Bibi felt: WHY she was hurt, WHAT she wished had been different. I had a chance to tell my beautiful girl that I was sorry for hurting her, and to ask her to forgive me.

It was my own personal high-low: I hurt my daughter’s feelings — but I got a chance to fix it! Yay?

And it is a yay.

Because we’ve created a routine that gives Bibi a chance to process things. Sometimes her low is something from school that she didn’t know how to handle. So we talk through it, rewrite the script, give her a solution.

This simple routine helped me realise that her confidence had taken a nosedive because Emma (not her real name), a girl at nursery, was mocking the way she drew butterflies (which was her favourite thing to draw at that time). I gave her the “Well, that’s your opinion” script and we role played it till she was confident that:

a/ Emma is entitled to her opinion but

b/ Emma’s opinion is not something that Bibi or mummy value highly at all

c/ Mummy’s opinion is that Bibi’s butterflies are beautiful

d/ Bibi’s own opinion is all that matters when it comes to her own art

If Bibi finds herself in a similar situation in the future, she’ll have the tools to handle it, thanks to the high-low routine.

Getting closure on the day’s crazy events isn’t a skill we’re born with. You, my lovely mindful mama, are the one who can give her CLOSURE so she can get the restful nightmare-free sleep she needs.

When she wakes in the morning, she has a clean slate. The hurts from the day before are wiped away, and she’s ready to face a new day.

And hearing about the highs? It’s amazing to hear about the best moments in your child’s day. Sometimes they’re astoundingly complex and provide amazing insight into her world: when someone invited her to play, when a teacher complimented her work, when she saw a real caterpillar “just like in my book!”.

Sometimes, her high is that I let her have extra sweets after tea. She is four years old, after all.

Bibi needs this routine — if I ever forget, she reminds me even if I’ve already switched off the lights, “Mama! What about our High-Low!?”. It takes just a few moments, but it’s a wonderful way to really connect with your child on a daily basis.

If you try the high-low routine, I’d love to hear about your experience. Comment below and tell me how it goes for you or better still share your results in the Mindful Mamas Raising Tigers group here!

You've got to try this out! It's so good I've added it to my Top Tactics Checklist Workbook PDF collectables. Get your free copy here:






How To Prepare For Preschool Transition (CAN A WATCH STOP CRYING AT THE NURSERY DROP OFF?) [+VIDEO]

How to prepare for preschool transition? WISH YOU COULD STOP YOUR TODDLER FROM CRYING AT THE NURSERY DROP OFF or pick up? This blog post (+video) shows you one simple yet overlooked conscious parenting hack on how to prepare your toddler for preschool transition or for starting nursery, daycare or reception at school.


Mindful Parenting Tips: HOW TO GET YOUR TODDLER TO OBEY? [video]

MINDFUL PARENTING TIPS: HOW TO GET YOUR TODDLER TO OBEY? [VIDEO]

I dare you not to say NO once this week!

#LingoRemixChallenge!


I was looking at some photos of Bibi’s first days in nursery the other day, and it reminded me of how easy it can be to make our lives more difficult, if you follow.

Back when Bibi started nursery, I was determined to be the best possible mum. My husband is a teacher and has done a tremendous amount of research and study on growth mindset and encouraging children to succeed. I decided to read everything I could find on child development.

This plan worked really well for about a week. I was fascinated by everything I was reading, but I was also confused. As it turns out, there are a lot of different child rearing philosophies out there, and I was trying to find the absolute best one for my daughter.  

Apparently, there is no one best way to bring up a child. Even better: what you do with one child may not work with the next. It’s like the whole thing is designed to make you doubt yourself and your abilities.


Which is why I want to give you the advice I wish I’d had a few years ago:

Let your nursery do the heavy lifting!

You’ve enrolled your child in nursery. You probably visited one or two places before you made a decision, and you liked what you saw.

The nursery staff has established rules for behaviour and has created strategies to enforce those rules.

So, for example, a child who is fighting over toys may be gently redirected to a new activity. A child who won’t put on a jacket may not be allowed out to the yard until he complies.

You’ll likely notice that nursery staff doesn’t use the word “No,” a lot, and instead frames requests by focusing on what the child should do.


For example, instead of “No hitting,” you’ll probably hear something like “Kind hands.”

Think about it: if I tell you, “No thinking about elephants,” guess what you’re doing now? If, on the other hand, I say, “Think about rabbits,” I’ve given you something you can focus on.

MMRT ACTION PLAN:

Talk to the nursery director and find out exactly what the staff says to the children when it’s time to clean up toys, and how they ensure that all the children participate. Let them teach you what to do at home.

When you do this, you create an orderly world for your child. The rules are always the same. The systems and routines are in place at home and in nursery, and there’s no confusion.

And this system continues to work wonders as your child progresses through the years. I walked Bibi to school the other week, and a quick coffee with a few mums suddenly turned into me joining the PFA — not something I had planned on!

But I quickly realised that by being involved with the school, I’d have clearer insight into the messaging used, so that I can continue to mirror it at home. I have a front-row seat to how classes are run and how teachers and students interact.

You’ve put an amazing team into place, {{ subscriber.first_name }}, so use them to help craft an incredible educational experience for your child.

Yes, give this parenting hack a good go because in my experience, it continues to work wonders as your child progresses through the years.

SIMPLE BUT NOT EASY…

The hardest part about most parenting hacks is being consistent but what helps with that is having a tribe of mindful mamas who cheer you on through this change.


Mindful Mamas Raising Tigers LINGO REIMX CHALLENGE:

Get the POA, support and accountability to make get the best results implementing this gentle parenting hack:

Join our social learning group here. Go to Units in the side menu and select #LingoRemixChallenge!

See you in there!

Worried You Won't Cope With Labour Pain and Anxious About Tearing During Birth? 

I gave birth to my daughter at home with NO FEAR, NO DRUGS and NO TEARING.

If you're fretting and feeling alone as you face up to the daunting reality that the beautiful baby growing inside you will have to actually come out some day soon - then let me give you a tough love get a grip, woman! slap before we sit down and squash those fears.

It's in you to have an empowering fearless birth, even if you're naturally skeptical (like I once was) about unlocking your mind-body abilities to control fear and pain.

Now, imagine a different reality where your body is ready and able to birth with ease and you can't wait to experience the power of birth.

Imagine being calm and in control at all stages of your labour, fully supported by your birth partner, both of you armed with the confidence, tools and techniques to have the most beautiful experience of your lives.

YOU CAN DO THIS

As a Hypnobirthing Practitioner, Chartered Physiotherapist, Pilates Instructor and Yoga & Meditation Junkie, I can tell you that your mind and your body are more capable and powerful than you could even imagine. 

This video explains the one strategy you need to follow to have an easy, fast and powerful birth with a calm fearless mindset. 

The Fear-Tension-Pain cycle is explained in this hypnobirthing tutorial and the rest of the classes in the series debunk some myths about birth positioning, labour pain and natural pain control.

Arm yourself with three empowering tools to help you stay out of the Fear-Tension-Pain cycle:

"Birth Like A Boss" is a Free Hypnobirthing Mini Video Course that includes a downloadable MP3 Hypnobirthing Guided Meditation for Pregnancy Relaxation.

 

YouTube | Website | Birth Like A Boss

IMPROVE FERTILITY CHANCES WITH SELF-CARE LIFESTYLE & ACUPUNCTURE

The great balancing act of fertility energetics. 

In this episode: Listen to my phone conversation with Friday Ng U-Hock, Acupuncturist and Human Givens Therapist. Friday summarises the concepts behind Chinese Medicine and how acupuncture can be helpful in rebalancing the natural energetics in our bodies. He warns that acupuncture, like IVF, is just one form of treatment and is rarely successful if used o n its own.

He recommends self-care and healthy lifestyle changes to boost your chances of conceiving. A very interesting point her makes towards the end of our discussion is that stress is not always a bad thing.

"It's the stuff we're made of [...] that spurs us on".

I love that. Stress has got a bad reputation but if it is harnessed and put to productive use, it can motivate us to make real long-term changes and action better lifestyle choices.  

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To contact Friday for an initial consultation, visit his website: http://www.fridaynguhock.co.uk/

YouTube | Website | Birth Like A Boss

 

3 MINUTE Pregnancy Pilates Yoga Routines

So you're heavy and suffering all sorts of tiny pregnancy niggles from lower back pain, swollen feet and ankles (or "cankles"), carpel tunnel and all sorts!

Well, the reality is that you're bump is only going keep growing and your ligaments will only get more relaxed because of the hormone changes in your body and if you don't work your core or consciously exercise to realign your posture and tone up your core, chances are your symptoms will get worse.

I've seen women who end up on crutches by the end of their pregnancy because they don't do any exercise at the beginning. Pregnancy is like a marathon, you've gotta start preparing your core and constantly adjust as your shape changes. 

Pain and related stress combined with other pregnancy related worries crate a vicious cycle where stress further slumps your posture, misaligning your spine, compresses joints and tenses muscles and irritates nerves. That in turn creates more stress and worry and the vicious circle will not end until you start treating the symptoms and treating the causes of the stress and correcting your posture.

Adopting a mind-body holistic approach will also serve to deepen your connection with baby. While you protect your body, the next step is to relax and prepare your mind for birth so check out these resources: