Review your parenting: 3 questions before setting new year resolutions
Today I wanted to just take a moment to look back on the year with you. Now, I'm big on self-improvement so I was watching Marie Forleo TV and her latest video was "3 questions to ask yourself before setting your new year's resolutions".
I've taken those questions and tweaked them every so slightly for mums specifically 'cuz we do have a whole different set of problems and challenges, even if you're just pregnant and you're not with your born baby yet, your motherhood has already started!
So #1:"What's your proudest mummy moment? Or uncelebrated win? Now, I've said "mummy moment" but if your just pregnant, ask "what's your proudest moment this year - your biggest achievement? It might be getting pregnant.
There are lots of uncelebrated mummy moments once you have your kids. Yeah, just give yourselves a pat on the back for that! My answer: it's been developing Bibi's language skills.
Because she's brought up bilingual and I normally speak to her in French, her language developed a lot slower, or her speech did anyway. Her language and comprehension were always there but she didn't really start verbalising until a lot later compared to other children.
I think that language is really the key to being able to express her emotions and that's what's going to make her happier. It's what's going to make our communication easier, it's going to allow us to get along better, there'll be less frustration, all in all I believe that language and communication is the key.
I've been doing a lot of reading with her and finger pointing and alphabet songs and all of a sudden I'm seeing results, she's starting to recognise letters. She can recognise B and T. Just yesterday, she went "that's a T" I was amazed. She's not a prodigy child but it's a step in the right direction that proves to me that all the hard work that I've been putting into this is paying off. it's encouraging.
The second question is "What's a parenting mistake you've made" and more importantly, "What's the lesson you learned from it?" It doesn't have to be a parenting mistake, if you're pregnant at the moment and don't have other children: "What's a big mistake you feel you've fallen into this year?" How did you let yourself down?
I think the nice thing about verbalising that or writing it down just lets you get it off your chest so you can make peace with it and you can let it go. Well, I don't think I've just got one... I went back on what I wanted to do. I always thought that I could hold back from having an argument with my husband in front of Bibi, and that I would never show her that type of anger but it has happened a couple times and maybe once when it was really bad.
You just have those arguments... it happens and it doesn't mean that your marriage is going down the drain or anything. I think it's normal and most kids experience this. But I was reading up on this because I got quite concerned that she was affected by it.
That day, even after I had resolved things with my husband, when I got back to her and I wanted to play with her she was kind of upset with me, she didn't want to play with me, she was ignoring me, she didn't want to talk to me, she didn't want to do any of the usual things that we do. She was just blanking me out.
So I read up a little on this and the best advice that I came across was to act out your reconciliation with your husband in front of your child. That might sound ridiculous but when you think about it, it makes so much sense.
They see us fight all the time so they see conflict but they don't see the resolution, they don't see us make up because that generally happens behind closed doors when they've gone to bed and we've had a good opportunity to shout at each other and talk it through but they don't see that process and they don't see the end result. It's just one moment you're fighting and the next you're pretending that everything is ok.
So we've started doing this where, and this is definitely what I will do if it ever happens again, it's to act out in front of her our apologies so we say sorry to each other, big hug, kiss. I think it did make a big difference to Bibi, she's fine now, it's not like she's traumatised or anything, but that's definitely one tough lesson that I learned.
Finally the third question is " What's one parenting hangup you're going to drop in the new year?" I think that every mum and dad suffers from mom guilt, parenting guilt.
No one's perfect, no one's getting this right all the time and there are chronic guilt trips that we suffer from so I won't be telling you mine in this video but my Channel Mum vlogger friends Jules Furness, is absolutely wonderful and she is doing a round up post on this question so I'll post my response over to her so you'll see me in her video. I'll leave the link at the end of my youtube video.
So there you go... 3 powerful questions to ask yourself before the end of the year and before you start writing all those new year resolutions, take a good look back and keep your eyes on the horizon! I would absolutely love to hear what your answers were to these questions so please write them in the comments box below - I'm so curious!